Worse than the worst of plagues: Cassius Dio on Commodus’ reign and the second wave of the Antonine plague
“A sickness occurred greater than any I have known—in fact, two thousand often died on a single day in Rome. Many people were also killed in another way, not only in the city, but throughout practically the whole Empire, by evil men: for they would smear little needles with some deadly drugs and for a fee would inject the poison into others, a thing which also happened during the time of Domitian. And while these people died without even a word, Commodus ended up more troublesome to the Romans than all the diseases and criminals together, because among other reasons the people were forced to assign to him out of fear and by command those things which had been bestowed out of respect upon his father through a vote.
“He actually ordered that Rome’s name be changed to ‘Commodiana,’ its army called ‘the Commodians,’ and the day on which these motions were passed ‘Commodiana Day.’ Among the many names he took for himself, one was Herakles. He gave Rome the nickname, ‘Immortal Blessed Inhabited Colony of the Earth,’ since he wanted it to be thought of as his own colony. A golden statue was made in his honour, a thousand pounds in weight, along with a bull and a cow. And finally, all the months of the year were named after him, so that they were counted as follows: Amazon, Undefeated, Lucky, Pious, Lucius, Aelius, Aurelius, Commodus, August, Herakles, Roman, Excellency. For he had taken on different names at different times, but Amazon and Excellency he applied to himself constantly, to show he was absolutely in every way preeminently superior to all people—that is how preeminently insane this piece of shit turned out to be.”
γέγονε δὲ καὶ νόσος μεγίστη ὧν ἐγὼ οἶδα· δισχίλιοι γοῦν πολλάκις ἡμέρας μιᾶς ἐν τῇ Ῥώμῃ ἐτελεύτησαν. πολλοὶ δὲ καὶ ἄλλως οὐκ ἐν τῷ ἄστει μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ ἐν ὅλῃ ὡς εἰπεῖν τῇ ἀρχῇ ὑπ' ἀνδρῶν κακούργων ἀπέθανον· βελόνας γὰρ μικρὰς δηλητηρίοις τισὶ φαρμάκοις ἐγχρίοντες ἐνίεσαν δι' αὐτῶν ἐς ἑτέρους ἐπὶ μισθῷ τὸ δεινόν· ὅπερ που καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦ Δομιτιανοῦ ἐγεγόνει. καὶ οὗτοι μὲν ἐν οὐδενὶ λόγῳ ἀπώλλυντο, ἦν δὲ ἁπάντων νοσημάτων καὶ ἁπάντων κακουργημάτων χαλεπώτερος Ῥωμαίοις ὁ Κόμμοδος, διά τε τἆλλα καὶ ὅτι ἠναγκάζοντο, ἃ τῷ πατρὶ αὐτοῦ κατ' εὔνοιαν ἐψηφίζοντο, ταῦτ' ἐκείνῳ διὰ φόβον ἀπονέμειν ἐξ ἐπιτάγματος. Κομμοδιανὴν γοῦν τήν τε Ῥώμην αὐτὴν καὶ τὰ στρατόπεδα Κομμοδιανά, τήν τε ἡμέραν ἐν ᾗ ταῦτα ἐψηφίζετο Κομμοδιανὰ καλεῖσθαι προσέταξεν. ἑαυτῷ δὲ ἄλλας τε παμπόλλους ἐπωνυμίας καὶ τὴν Ἡρακλέους ἀπήνεγκε. τὴν δὲ Ῥώμην ἀθάνατον εὐτυχῆ κολωνίαν οἰκουμένην τῆς γῆς (καὶ γὰρ ἄποικον αὐτὴν ἑαυτοῦ δοκεῖν ἐβούλετο) ἐπωνόμασεν. καὶ ἀνδριάς τε αὐτῷ χρυσοῦς χιλίων λιτρῶν μετά τε ταύρου καὶ βοὸς θηλείας ἐγένετο, καὶ τέλος καὶ οἱ μῆνες ἀπ' αὐτοῦ πάντες ἐπεκλήθησαν, ὥστε καταριθμεῖσθαι αὐτοὺς οὕτως, Ἀμαζόνιος Ἀνίκητος Εὐτυχὴς Εὐσεβὴς Λούκιος Αἴλιος Αὐρήλιος Κόμμοδος Αὔγουστος Ἡράκλειος Ῥωμαῖος Ὑπεραίρων. αὐτὸς μὲν γὰρ ἄλλοτε ἄλλα μετελάμβανε τῶν ὀνομάτων, τὸν δ' Ἀμαζόνιον καὶ τὸν Ὑπεραίροντα παγίως ἑαυτῷ ἔθετο ὡς καὶ ἐν πᾶσιν ἁπλῶς πάντας ἀνθρώπους καθ' ὑπερβολὴν νικῶν· οὕτω καθ' ὑπερβολὴν ἐμεμήνει τὸ κάθαρμα.
Cassius Dio, Roman History, 72.14–15
